Mentoring Our Adult Children

“She is a leader, always has been, that is why I love coaching her up in all her dreams.”

“He is always quoting from books I have given him or YouTube videos of famous folks.”

“She has a dozen mentors. I just helped choose them!”

Parents who realize their adult children need mentors

“I can teach you everything I know, but that is not enough to be everything you need to know,” my Dad told me as we swung on our white porch swing. “The problem is I don’t know what the problems will be when you are my age.” Wise advice indeed.

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Today, our young adult children are facing problems addressing technologies and jobs that were not invented when we were starting our careers. Although we may be experts at the jobs we have had for 30 years, many of the strategies that got us ahead in our field remain dated and antiquated. Sorry, if that made us feel old, but after all…

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the need for the right mentors

Obviously, our adult children may need several mentors. I remember a friend of mine told me she had a mentor that helped her set business goals. She had another spiritual mentor to hold her accountable for her private spiritual life. Since she was finishing an advanced degree, she had an academic mentor that helped her when she got bogged down in business school. Finally, when she was a new mom she had a “mommy mentor,” a go-to gal for all things from breastfeeding to baby development. No one person should be expected to help us with advice in all areas of our life. We need to encourage our adult children to have multiple mentors.

But what about us?

Simply because others are speaking into the lives of our adult children, this is no reason that we should not be striving to mentor them. As the older adults who know our adult children better than anyone else, we are positioned to mentor our adult children best. Presenting our own availability to our adult children speaks to them, the message that we are open to listening and spending time with them. By listening for hours, spending time getting involved in their interests, we tell our adult children that they are worthy of our time and interest. Mentoring our adult children in any area in which they need help gives them more confidence and keeps them on the right path. Although our kids might go through many hardships, one should never be wondering if we support them. It is never too late to become your offspring’s biggest fan.

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How do you mentor your adult children? Are there areas you are particularly proud of and equipped to mentor?

I would love to hear from you.

Becoming a Ladder Builder for My Adult Kids

“I want her to stand on my shoulders so she can be better at this than I am!”

“When he tells us what he is studying we smile and nod like we understand it!”

“We are grateful to hold the ladder for her to climb!”

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Even if your adult child doesn’t desire to achieve success in the same field of work as you did, you can hold the ladder for her success! Often we build a business or a career and love it so much, we are sure our kids will follow in our footsteps only to be disappointed when they choose a completely different path.

Sometimes our disappointment stems from unrealized dreams of our own, or it could be something else–maybe you are thinking, “I know NOTHING about that field! How can I possibly help her or be involved in her life anymore?” Fear of being left out of our adult child’s life often drives us to frustration or a spirit of that hinders instead of helps our adult child. What can we do if our adult child has chosen to excel in a direction we KNOW nothing about but we want to BUILD A LADDER (as John Maxwell or Sam Chand would say) for her to succeed?

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Mentorship

If I can’t mentor my girl in her chosen profession, alternately I can find her a mentor in her field. Or, as Maxwell mentions in his book Leadershift, I might find her a mentor in the fields of relationships, attitude, leadership, communication, technology, health and wellness, or spiritual development. Even though we won’t share professional insights and stories, we will always share life! I can always hold the ladder for her to excel in all areas of her personal growth!

Whatever she feels she needs I can seek to supply a mentor–other than myself!!

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Don’t Forget the Goal!

Often as parents of Adult Children we forget that the goal is to stay connected in an authentic and connected way. We want to be part of their lives in a meaningful way that build authentic transparent relationships.

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Our goal is not to promote our agenda or to complete what we may feel we did not finalize as part of our parenting career.

Being in relationships with our adult children means treating them the way we would want a friend to treat us and the way we want to treat our other friends.

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Start by asking yourself a few hard questions:

• Do you see your kids as adults who are growing and becoming better every day?
• How can you get out of the way for your kids to thrive?
• Is it hard for you to move out of the way for your kids to succeed or to fail?
• Can they always apply what I say to their life in their own way? Do I sometimes give them advice that I feel I needed to say to make myself feel better?
• How can I hold the ladder in an area that HAS NOTHING to do with me or my agenda but ONLY for building them up?

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How are you holding the ladder for your adult Children this week? I would love to hear your insight and opinions.